Ironically, living in England for almost eight years still did not equip me for the term used to describe me and my friends in NYSC in my homeland – FRN (Foreigner). Not only was this slightly impolite, it also gave a false description as I was anything but that.
Back to the start.
August 13’07 – The sucking up began. If you’ve never unashamedly licked ass, better start practicing. Queuing up to fill forms where these women are filled with disdain for, lets see, EVERYONE. Simple comments such as ‘Madam, are you ok’ or ‘Madam let me help check if my school is listed’ will get you far (at least ahead of the queue). There was this girl with a deep Texan accent (please leave all accents at the airport) who was acting all posh. Before we knew it, one of the women said ‘Americana, this your Texas school is not in our book’. While the girl was still speaking ‘English’, the women shouted ‘Leave the queue, your school does not exist – better call your daddy’. Needless to say the girl burst into tears. Naija!
October ’07 – Went back to Abuja to pick up my call-up letter. Kept praying ‘let it be Lagos’ till I saw the buildings in camp. 21 days in this!
Things to take with you (if you are really stuck there)
1. Mosquito net – Very essential or the mosquitoes would soon be repelled by your blood (the terms the mosquitoes use is ‘see finish’)
2. Waist bags or messenger bags – For money, lip gloss, phone, etc. If you take the latter, the ‘rightful owners’ might try claiming it at night, so be careful.
3. White t-shirts – To reduce the gawking from the opposite sex at the transparent, non-existent ones provided by NYSC.
4. White shorts – that fit.
5. White socks – that don’t naturally stink.
6. Dettol – Need I explain?
7. Dettol soap – Shower gel does not equip you against unnamed and un-invented diseases.
8. Black bin bags – for everything. What were you thinking? Yuk!
9. Padlocks – I personally don’t see the point of these as suitcases themselves could mysteriously go AWOL with the so-called padlocks positioned safely on your pillowcase.
Terms you would also need to learn
1. Otondo – This means ‘foolish’, ‘stupid’ or such. The soldiers say ‘Otondo’ at which the Corpers are expected to reply ‘Corper’. Get it?
2. Double up – means Faster, NOW!
3. Fall Out – Out of line. One thing it could mean is ‘you are in trouble’. Opposite: Fall in.
4. Cover Up – No space expected in front of you. Your waist bag should ideally be on the bum of the person in front of you. Nothing like ‘personal space’ here.
5. Words like ‘Good to go’, ‘Motivated’ and ‘Dedicated’ – the soldiers ask if you are one of these 3 things and you respond by repeating the words thrice.
6. The ultimate is ‘You are WRONG’ – One of the camp commandant’s favourite. For instance, he’ll say ‘If you are still your room when you’re meant to be on the parade ground, you are WRONG!’
In spite of all these things, camp was unexpectedly fun (if you are the adventurous type). I was definitely impressed with the number of international students who braved it. Escaping was not even an option for me (again) after a few of us tried walking through bushes with soldiers pretending to be their girlfriends. YeahL. I have never seen an institution where people are out to make money everyway they can – hole punching, stapling, phone charging, plate washing, room sweeping, you name it.
I definitely learnt a lot. Got re-acquainted with some old friends, met some really cool people, some sick people (there was this one guy who used to argue that kidnapping was not a felony) and some weird people (also this guy who used to walk up behind me and start playing with my braids – I didn’t know him if you are asking. Well, I guess that’s just life for a FOREIGNER in her own homeland.
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| The famous NYSC boots - lol! |
